Praxis Heinis
Polyamory & Open Relationships
All relationship models welcome
Polyamory, open relationships and ethical non-monogamy – without having to justify yourself
If you live polyamorously or in an open relationship, finding a therapist comes with one worry most people don’t have: Will my relationship model be treated as the actual problem here – maybe even dismissed or smiled at? Many people have experienced exactly that. A crisis about too little sleep and too many commitments, and the professional asks whether the polyamory might not be attachment anxiety.
That doesn’t happen in my practice. I work with people in all consensual relationship structures – monogamous, polyamorous or open. Whether a model fits matters far more than debating the model in principle. The only question is: Does it work for the people involved, where is it currently stuck, and what are the underlying issues? Because those tend to be very similar, whatever the relationship model.
What people bring to my practice
- Jealousy that overrides every agreement: a signal showing where safety is missing and where your own patterns surface.
- Agreements and boundaries: quietly understood differently, or broken – and the difference between a rule, a boundary and an agreement.
- Opening an existing relationship: one partner wants it, the other swings between curiosity and panic.
- Imbalance: dating is going well for one of you and not for the other, or a new connection is taking up too much space.
- Time and energy: several relationships are logistically demanding. Exhaustion is a topic to take seriously.
- The people around you: family, colleagues, daycare. Who do I tell what, and what does hiding do to us?
- Metamours and hierarchies: How much say do new partners get? What does "primary" even mean any more?
- Shaping couple dynamics: How do love and desire stay alive when new metamours arrive?
Your relationship model is not on trial here
If you live polyamorously or openly, you have probably learned to explain and defend yourself. With me, you don’t have to. We look together at what is currently difficult in your relationships and work on that, knowing that the real issues are usually the same as in any relationship, just more visible.
Support becomes useful when a topic gets stuck: when jealousy grows stronger than any agreement, when arrangements keep breaking, when an opening is on the table and you are not equally far along, or when the energy runs out between schedules, metamours and everyday life. Then we give the whole thing structure, and a pace everyone can keep up with.
Whether you end up changing something, opening up, closing again or carrying on as before is your decision.
The model is not the problem
Non-monogamous relationships fail over the same things monogamous ones do: unspoken expectations, broken agreements, unequal effort, communication that flattens out in everyday life, and sexuality that can become difficult. They simply have more moving parts, and with that more places where things can grind.
That is exactly why it pays to work with a therapist who knows the model. Someone who automatically reads jealousy in an open relationship as proof that “this just doesn’t work” cannot help you. Someone who treats it as what it is – a feeling with a message – can. Just as important: the mechanics, paradigm shifts and particularities of non-monogamous relationships need to be familiar territory, not something you have to teach your therapist first.
Further support through coaching – with Relatingwise
Frequently asked questions
There is no scientific basis for that claim. Attachment patterns, secure and insecure, exist in every relationship form. What matters is not the model but how people treat each other within it. Non-monogamous relationships tend to make such patterns more visible, but they do not create them.
As well or as badly as closed ones. They work when the people involved negotiate honestly, keep their agreements and readjust when something changes. They fail over the same things monogamous relationships fail over – just more visibly, because these issues surface faster and the illusion of safety wears off sooner.
Especially then. This imbalance is one of the most common and most delicate starting points. The goal is not a stale compromise but clarity: what is behind the wish, what is behind the reluctance, and whether there is a path both of you actually want.
Yes. Many topics – jealousy, shame, or the question of what relationship model actually fits you – work well in individual sessions.
Individuals and couples, including larger constellations such as triads, regardless of orientation and gender, in English or German, in Munich or online. You don’t have to justify anything here: not your polyamory – and, by the way, not your monogamy either.
The first step is usually a free intro appointment. We clarify what it’s about, whether we are a good fit, and what pace suits you. Who comes and who joins is your call: sometimes the whole constellation, sometimes two people, sometimes one person alone. Everything you share is protected by professional confidentiality.
I work as a sex and relationship therapist and State-Authorized Psychotherapy Practitioner, with an attitude you will find everywhere on this website: direct, shame-free, non-judgmental and genuinely curious.
Opening a relationship: what a good process looks like
The most common stumbling blocks are pace and communication. An opening that begins as an ultimatum, or as an attempt to rescue an already fragile relationship, rarely holds. A good process clarifies the foundation first: Why do we want this, each of us for ourselves? What are we afraid of? Which form suits us – from occasional encounters to full additional relationships? And where our ideas differ: how clearly does the other person actually know that?
In couples therapy, this process gets structure and a pace both of you can keep up with. “We’re not doing it” is a success too, if it was reached honestly rather than forced out of fear. And every topic is allowed on the table, including the uncomfortable ones.
